The Bangles Walk Like an Egyptian

The Bangles "Walk Like an Egyptian" is a great work of art.

The tension of the possibility of racism is energising. I don't remember this too well. Did they say anything racist in it? It turns out they didn't. Phew.

What is this anyway? Is this music or popular entertainment? It's like something from a variety show or a kids party. Or is this a truer form of what music is? Is this what all that serious learned rubbish is actually aiming at? Is this the distillation of what a musician should be trying to make? Does this have the knowing essence of performance that is necessary to make a scratch on the great edifice of the popular canon? This will be remembered long after more worthy attempts are dust in the loading tray of obsolete media readers.

It may sound like I am asking too many questions but it is in the asking that analysis gains transcendence. In the moment of superposition we achieve the virtue of gnosis but as soon as an answer coalesces it can be demonstrated to be false due to the emergent synthesis encoded within it.

"OK, we're going to do one more." This is a band who play shows live. Look, here they are playing a show live. It's just another night on their world tour. This is authentic! Your mate who goes to pop concerts because she's never been embarazada probably saw them last year. She does all the hip things. She's just like The Bangles. I want to be just like The Bangles too!

Look at these everypeople overcome with the zeitgeist of Egyptian Walking. This is big time. Wow. Get on the train, even your mum and that 80s woman in that power suit are doing it. Even the black guys are in on it, although that fireman hasn't quite got the idea but that's alright because this is inclusive. But the girls on stage don't make any mistakes. They're cool. Cooler than you with their big hair and authenticity. And look at these pop references. Diana. Gaddafi. The I Heart New York Liberty Statue. Everyone's doing it! They're so well animated it's like they're real. Is this the halcyon moment the Daily Express is trying to reconstruct? Was this the perfect moment of popular culture when we were all young and the world was understandable and although we were falling apart at the time it's long enough ago that your own attempts at mythologising your youth have completely obscured even the largest gulfs of suffering like when your boyfriend took his own life and you found the body.

Wait a minute, maybe this is racist! "All the Japanese..."? Is that OK? Yeah it is? Yeah? OK. "All the Japanese with their yellow..." Yellow what? Oh, it's "yen"? Ok. OK.

"All the crocodiles they snap their teeth on your cigarette." Because it's the 80s and we all smoke. Hey, the band are just like you! You do the same things. Your cigarette. That pesky crocodile.

"All the cops in the doughnut shop..." Rebels. These girls are rebels. They say what everyone is thinking but is too afraid to say. If only I could be them.

"OK, we're going to do one more." This is the encore! This must be their best song. The crowd has sat through a couple of hours of their other stuff and they're still interested so this band must be pretty good. Right? Right. A couple of hours dancing under those stage lights and the girls aren't even sweaty. They're like superheroes. Superheroes of music. Superheroes of Egyptian Walking.

These girls are pretty and young and in shape and they're cool and talented. This must be some kind of sexual fantasy. Oh that dirty male gaze. Well, lady, I've got a surprise for you. These aren't the girls men want, they're the girls that you think might steal your boyfriend. I mean, there's nothing wrong with them, I'm sure these are perfectly charming young women. But this presentation isn't for titilation, it's engaging you in a pack dynamic. See that crowd? 80% women. Or is that just people with big hair? Something something feminist interpretation.

Hang on, the song fades out! This isn't live at all. Oh, the artifice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv6tuzHUuuk